Jokes to ease the tension

Just heard this one today.....

An Italian mother visits her son for diner and sees a pretty girl that's at his house.
The son says "don't worry mom, she's just my room mate we are not involved.
The mother seems to accept that has diner and then leaves to go home.
A few days later, the sons room mate , Maria, notices that a crystal glass is missing since his mom was there.
Anthony, the son emails the mother and says....Im not saying you took a crystal glass or didn't but since you left the glass has been missing.
The mom returns an e mail that says.... Im not saying you are screwing Maria or not but if she was sleeping in her own bed she would have found the crystal glass. :)
 
Treasure Coast Johnny said:
Two nuns were riding their bicycles through the back streets of Rome. One nun said to the other “I’ve never come this way before”. The other nun replied “It’s probably due to the cobblestones”.
Click to expand...

There’s a new Priest set to take over at Parish and the previous Priest is giving him a tour around town. When they stop at the first corner of the neighborhood they hear a lady yell out
“BJs BJs 5 dollars!”

The new Priest has no clue what the lady is talking about and the other Priest just keeps his head down and walks swiftly by.

They get to the next corner and again, a lady out front is yelling “BJ’s BJs 5 dollars!” The new Priest asks his predecessor what this is all about and the old Priest quickly responds it’s nothing to worry about.

The same thing happens at the next two corners. “BJ’s BJ’s 5 dollars!”

When the get back to the Parish the new priest sees a Nun sitting by the pew. He approaches and asks her, “Sister, what’s a BJ?”

The nun, without pause replies, “5 dollars Father, same as in town”
 
A woman goes into her bathroom and is shocked to find an elephant in her bathtub. She asks the elephant, “What are you doing in my bathtub?” The elephant responds, “No soap, radio!”
Click to expand...
Two polar bears are sitting in a bathtub. The first one says, “Pass the soap.” The second one says, “No soap, radio!”
Click to expand...
 
A woman goes into her bathroom and is shocked to find an elephant in her bathtub. She asks the elephant, “What are you doing in my bathtub?” The elephant responds, “No soap, radio!”
Click to expand...
Two polar bears are sitting in a bathtub. The first one says, “Pass the soap.” The second one says, “No soap, radio!”
Click to expand...


My friends and I used this joke, or a version thereof, as a test on new acquaintances for years. We'd all start laughing hysterically to see what their response would be.
 
Two guys (Guy A and Guy B) in prison for a long time. Guy A is a funny guy and tells jokes to the rest of their inmates all the time.

They all get together and decide that all these jokes take too long to tell, so they start numbering the jokes.

Guy A takes the lead and numbers the "A guy walks into a Bar..." Joke #1, the "Priest, rabbi and minister" Joke #2, the "Golf Joke" Joke #3, etc., etc. etc., all the way to Joke #99.

To save time, Guy A, starts telling the jokes by number, he yells out "Joke # 5", big laughs, then later shouts "Joke #60", huge laughs, and finally "Joke "84", uproarious laughs.

A week goes by, and Guy B decides it's his turn to tell some jokes.

Guy B: "Joke #5", dead silence.
Guy B: "Joke #60", crickets.
Guy B: "Joke #84, he knows it's a winner!, still no laughs.

Guy B to Guy A: what's wrong, you tell the Jokes and get all kinds of Laughs, I tell the Jokes and I get no laughs.

Guy A to Guy B: "Some guys know how to tell a Joke and some guys don't."
 
Here’s an oldie but goodie…..

There were these two Italian guys, Mario and Antny. Mario got all the girls Antny got none. So one day Antny says to Mario, please-a help-a me. How can I get-a the girls to love me?

Mario says…. This is what-a you do. You go to the beach get-a a potato, stick it in your bathing suit and all the girls they run to you.

Antny does what he says, sticks the potato in his pants at the beach but the girls see him and run away.

Antny runs to Mario and says… I did-a what-a you say but all of the girls they look at me with disgust and run the other way.

Mario just shakes his head and says….. Antny you supposed to put the potato in the front of your pants.
 
True story told by Jayson Williams and collaborated by Bruce Beck at the Lou Carnesecca Dinner.

Jayson and Coach are doing a segment with Beck for one of his shows. So during a down period Jayson is thanking Coach for all he has done for him and telling him about his new house. He tells Coach he has a basketball court at his house and he named it in honor of him. Coach asked him what he named it and Jayson proudly responds:

“The Lou Carnesecca Memorial Court.”

Coach immediately responds:

“I’m not dead yet you son of a bitch!”
 
Sorry my fellow Yankee fans and this might be too soon but I thought it was a good one.

Rumor has it that Aaron Judge will be a headliner at this years New Year’s Eve celebration in New York City. As the headliner, he will be the one to drop the ball.

(Heard on the Fan today).
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top