Jokes to ease the tension

Superman and Batman were having a conversation. Batman asks, what do you do for excitement in your spare time? SM says, I like flying around watching people in their back yards and had an interesting experience last week.

I was flying around and saw Wonder Woman laying there naked on a lounge chair her legs spread open and she was moaning. I figured what the hell, here’s my chance to swoop down and go for a ride.

Batman replied, I bet she was surprised…… to which SM said….. NOT AS SURPRISED AS THE INVISIBLE MAN. 😂👍
 
A golfer comes across a talking frog. The frog croaks "9 iron" and so the golfer picks his 9 iron and shoots a perfect shot, so the golfer picks up the frog and carries it to the next hole. The frog says “1 iron”, so the golfer hits a 1 iron, and makes a hole-in-one.

The frog says, "I'm 16-year-old blonde princes", if you kiss me I will make love to you every night for the rest of your life". The 60-year-old golfer says" at this point in my life, I'd rather have a talking frog"
 
Spocky Ramone said:
A golfer comes across a talking frog. The frog croaks "9 iron" and so the golfer picks his 9 iron and shoots a perfect shot, so the golfer picks up the frog and carries it to the next hole. The frog says “1 iron”, so the golfer hits a 1 iron, and makes a hole-in-one.

The frog says, "I'm 16-year-old blonde princes", if you kiss me I will make love to you every night for the rest of your life". The 60-year-old golfer says" at this point in my life, I'd rather have a talking frog"
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I know another version of this joke but it is much longer and no way I’m typing it all out here lol. But it’s funny so if anyone wants to hear it ask me when we meet up in person. It’s a good one.
 
SJU85 said:
I saw a lady in tears at the store. She said she had lost an envelope with her tax refund inside.

I gave her $100 because I felt sorry for her.

Plus I had just found about $1,600 in the parking lot.
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This is a true story:

Back when JetBlue flew into Oakland from Jfk it was a much cheaper way to fly to SF.

Taking a cab from the airport, my driver was a young, burly, latino guy. A guy not to be messed with. He told me this story:

A few weeks before he had just gotten paid and stopped for gas on the way home. He got robbed at gunpoint at the gas station. As he sized up the gunman he waited for the moment to take him down. He then heard a voice from a second gunman waiting in the getaway car maybe 40 feet away who knew what was up. "Dude, don't do anything stupid", he said pointing his gun at the cabbie.

As they were about to pull away, the thief opened the pay envelope and gave rhe driver $100. "Here. Go pay for your gas".

The cabbie was appreciative. Good luck trying to convince a cop that he stole gas because he just got robbed. Honor among thieves.
 
Silly Donovan said:
Mickey and Minnie Mouse are going through a divorce. Mickey’s attorney said to him……. Look, I can’t get the judge to grant you a divorce over your wife’s mental issues…… to which Mickey replied…….I never said she had mental issues, I said she was f&@king Goofy
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Pluto's Blues, Jackie K. James
 
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I was out one Sunday morning with my new Porsche 911 . It was about 7 am and I got that baby up to 110 when a State Trooper stopped me .
The Trooper told me he had me clocked at 110 mph and I was going to get a Speeding ticket .

He then asked if I had anything to say ?

I told the Officer I was only trying to keep up with Traffic on that morning

The Trooper told me , “ there’s no Trafific out here this morning .”

I replied” I know I was
trying to catch up to them”



.”
 
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