Jokes to ease the tension

E

Eric

Well-known member
2023 $upporter
Lots of negativity and tension on the board lately so here is a joke. Hope you find it funny!!

This well respected doctor is facing an ethical dilemma. Earlier in the day the inevitable happened. He had sex with one of his patients.

So he starts to beat himself up over this. What did I do? My career. My life. Until this voice in his head said listen. You are a single man. You are probably not the first one this has ever happened to. Just let it go. It’s ok.

So he starts to feel pretty good about himself until this other voice in his head brings him back to reality and says.
You are a veterinarian you sick bastard!!!!
 
I’ll keep posting a few more here and there. Much better heard in person but this will have to do.

Little Mary was so excited she went running home to her mom. Mom mom the boys gave me $25 for climbing up the tree!!!

Mom says to Mary. Oh Mary the boys gave you $25 for climbing up the tree because they wanted to look up your skirt and see your panties.

Mary says to her mom. You see mom I was smart, I took my panties off!!
 
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I got a few that may push the envelope a little too far for the message board so I will save those for the next novita. Paging mayor maher.

Here is a typical dad joke but funny.

Why did the man fall into the well?

Because he didn't see that well!!
 
My girlfriend got mad at me once because I refused to pay for her to get a new tattoo.

So instead she just flashed the tattoo artist her boob and he gave her one for free.

She always was vindictive like that. You know..tit for tat.
 
It seems that Sir Lancelot goes to King Arthur one night and Lancelot says, "I hear that you called for me". And King Arthur says to Sir Lancelot, "Yes, I called for you." Arthur says, "I want you to go on a trip for me." And Lancelot says, "All right. Yes, sir." And Arthur says, "Go out and get your horse." And Lancelot says, "Must I go now, King?" And Arthur says, "Yes. Why not?" Lancelot says, "Well, it's snowing and raining and thundering and lightning and everything." Arthur says, "However, you gotta go take this trip, so get the horse." Well, Sir Lancelot goes outside and he goes into the stable and there's no horses in there, but there is a great big Great Dane. So he comes back into the castle and he says, "King Arthur, Sir Lancelot reporting. There are no horses in the stable," he says, "But if it is a very important trip that you wish me to go on, I will saddle the Great Dane and I will go on the dog to wherever you're gonna send me." King Arthur says, "That won't be necessary, Sir Lancelot. ... I wouldn't send a knight out on a dog like this!"
 
A dog out on a Knight like this Alice. A dog out on a night like this! Isn’t it funny? Answer from Alice: No I don’t think it’s funny. Ralph: You have no sense of humor!
 
I was dating an actress once and I had suspicions that she may have been sleeping w/ her co-star in a play she was in.

So I showed up early to their rehearsal one day to check it out and thats when I saw them...cot in the act.
 
Eric said:
I got a few that may push the envelope a little too far for the message board so I will save those for the next novita. Paging mayor maher.

Here is a typical dad joke but funny.

Why did the man fall into the well?

Because he didn't see that well!!
Click to expand...
I promise I'll definitely arrange a Novita get together march or april. We are long overdue and we all need to vent :)
 
A husband and wife had been married for seven years when suddenly they began having issues in the bedroom...The man had no problems but no matter how long he held out, his wife was unable to climax... She told her husband it had to be because she got too warm during lovemaking. They agreed to strip the bed and have sex in the buff... Still, she overheated and was unable to climax...

On the advice of a sex therapist, the couple agreed to have a constant supply of cool air in the bedroom while they made love. They tried a window air conditioner first, but the noise was too distracting and the man's wife was still unable to climax...

So, the husband decided that having a third person waft a towel while him and his wife made love, would be quieter and less distracting than the air conditioner and still move enough air to keep his wife cool during lovemaking, allowing her to finally climax...

The husband, although it was a difficult ask, convinced his best friend to help him out and waft a towel for him and his wife while they had sex. After 20 minutes of intense lovemaking, the woman was no closer to being satisfied than before, while her husband was very close to reaching his own end...

So, the friend wafting the towel suggested that they switch places until he calmed down and could resume making intense love to his wife. The husband agreed and the two men changed places...

After mounting his best friend's wife he started going hard, while the husband wafted the towel. After only two minutes the woman started to tremble and moan and then let out an incredible scream as she reached the most intense orgasm she had ever had...

The husband looked at his buddy proudly and said: “Now that, my friend, is how you waft a fucking towel!”
 
The two great poets, Alfred Lord Tennyson and Henry Wadsworth Longfellow have passed away and are at the Golden Gate. St. Peter greets them enthusiastically: how wonderful to meet you two. Unfortunately, we are nearly full of poets at this time. I can only accept one of you at this time. I will give each of you the same word and you must come up with a verse using this word.

“The word is: Timbuktu”, said St. Peter.

Tennyson went first:
” Across the hot Sahara sand,
Trekked the dusty caravan.
Men on camels, two by two,
Destination- Timbuktu.

St. Peter replied, “that is very good. Henry, it’s your turn.”

Longfellow cleared his throat and began:
” Tim and I, a-wandering went,
We met three maidens in a tent,
Since they were three and we but two,
I bucked one and Tim Bucked Two!
 
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