Jokes to ease the tension

[stjohnnie75]

Why are women and children evacuated first in an emergency?



So the men can think about a solution in silence.

 

[SJU85]

 

[mjmaherjr]

I find a good Theo John joke works every time to ease the tension

 

[Eric]

Driving on the belt parkway yesterday reminded me of this joke.

What does Brooklyn and a girl in tight jeans have in common?

They both have a Flatbush

 

[bamafan]

Driving on the belt parkway yesterday reminded me of this joke.

What does Brooklyn and a girl in tight jeans have in common?

They both have a Flatbush

My uncles’s favorite line when one of my cousins would bring a new girl home was She has more curves than the Belt Parkway

 

[Eric]

Guy goes to the doctor and says doc there is something wrong with my ass. When I fart it don’t stink.

So the doctor calls the guy into the office and the guy bends over and farts.

The doctor screams to the nurse come quick!!

The guy says you gonna operate on my ass?

The doctor says no, we are going to operate on your nose!!

 

[Eric]

I don't know why people are complaining about NIL with St. johns basketball. We have been getting plenty of NIL lately!!

 

[Eric]

I don't know why people are complaining about NIL with St. johns basketball. We have been getting plenty of NIL lately!!

Maybe this shouldn't be in the joke thread after all.

 

[newsman13]

Did you hear about the man on the flying trapeze. He caught his wife in the act.

 

[RedStormRising]

Where is King David's temple located?

by his ear.

 

[ADORAZ]

Guy goes to the doctor and says doc there is something wrong with my ass. When I fart it don’t stink.

So the doctor calls the guy into the office and the guy bends over and farts.

The doctor screams to the nurse come quick!!

The guy says you gonna operate on my ass?

The doctor says no, we are going to operate on your nose!!

My first thought from the opening line was COVID- when I got it (pre-vaccine) the only symptom I had was I couldn't smell for half a year. Besides being a little freaked out I didn't really mind, but now that I have a newborn being able to smell is critical.

(not really a joke.. but on the topic of being a dad... when is a joke a dad joke? when it is apparent.)

 

[SJU85]

My first thought from the opening line was COVID- when I got it (pre-vaccine) the only symptom I had was I couldn't smell for half a year. Besides being a little freaked out I didn't really mind, but now that I have a newborn being able to smell is critical.

(not really a joke.. but on the topic of being a dad... when is a joke a dad joke? when it is apparent.)

Congratulations on the new born.

 

[kranmars]

My first thought from the opening line was COVID- when I got it (pre-vaccine) the only symptom I had was I couldn't smell for half a year. Besides being a little freaked out I didn't really mind, but now that I have a newborn being able to smell is critical.

(not really a joke.. but on the topic of being a dad... when is a joke a dad joke? when it is apparent.)

Congratulations.

A dad joke is just something that was not funny when you farther away from it. But now you laugh every time one pops up.

 

[newsman13]

How about the thrifty tomcat. He put a little in the kitty every night.

 

[newsman13]

My wife and I bought a waterbed. Two Cubans came out of the box looking for Florida.

 

[vegasman2000]

My go to dad joke:

A mite lands on a fly. Fly asks, "are you a mite?"

"I "mite" be".

Fly: that's the worst joke I have ever heard.

Mite: what do you expect, I came up with it in the fly!"

I would also accept:

Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was out standing in his field!

 

[vegasman2000]

I heard Shakespear's version (not as good as Longfellow's):

"I sat upon a sandy shore
To hear the mighty ocean roar
Three ships came into view
Destination: Timbuktu"

To quote Thornton Melon: maybe you can help me straighten out my Longfellow.

 

[vegasman2000]

Here is a math joke:

Why is six so scared of seven?

Because Seven Ate Nine!

Because seven was a registered six offender

 

[vegasman2000]

Blues legend B.B. King's wife goes into a tattoo parlor and wants to get B.B. something special for his birthday. She decides to get his initials tattooed on her body. To be even more special, she gets one "B" on her left buttcheek and the other "B" on the right buttcheek.

Later that night after his show, he walks in the front door. There his wife is standing, buck naked, spreading out her ass, showing off her new tattoo.

He looks at her and asks, "Who's BOB?"

Extra points for a blues reference! Huge blues fan and played it a bit on guitar

 

[Sherman Sheridan & Grant]

Lots of negativity and tension on the board lately so here is a joke. Hope you find it funny!!

This well respected doctor is facing an ethical dilemma. Earlier in the day the inevitable happened. He had sex with one of his patients.

So he starts to beat himself up over this. What did I do? My career. My life. Until this voice in his head said listen. You are a single man. You are probably not the first one this has ever happened to. Just let it go. It’s ok.

So he starts to feel pretty good about himself until this other voice in his head brings him back to reality and says.
You are a veterinarian you sick bastard!!!!

Hope you can open the link as Alexa goes on the Blink