Have posted before, maybe the biggest basketball myth after Hoosiers was Bird as “The Hick From French Lick”; Bird upped his game big time playing with grown men from Chicago working the hotels in Indiana during the summer. He has been quite open about the debt of gratitude he owed them for accepting him and letting him play in their pick up games as a high schooler. They taught him a ton about basketball, including how to stand your ground and how to trash talk.
Jokes to ease the tension
- Thread starter Eric
- Start date
Two women workers are ordered to paint a room in the assistant living facility they are employed at and the last instruction of their supervisor is they must not get even a drop of paint on their uniforms.
After conferring about this for a while, the two women workers decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their clothes, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.
"Who is it?" calls one of the workers.
"Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door.
The two workers look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.
"Nice gazongas!!!" says the man, "Where do you want these blinds?"
(Revised to protect sensibilities)
After conferring about this for a while, the two women workers decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their clothes, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.
"Who is it?" calls one of the workers.
"Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door.
The two workers look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.
"Nice gazongas!!!" says the man, "Where do you want these blinds?"
(Revised to protect sensibilities)
Guy dies and goes to Heaven. St. Peter decides based on his resume that he has to do time in purgatory. Guy says fine no problem, lemme look around.
He starts looking around and trying to pick which room in purgatory to go into. He opens and closes a lot of doors seeing things he really doesn't like.
He comes to a room where there are a bunch of people standing around smoking and drinking coffee, but with a pool of waste and debris and worse up around their shins.
After checking out other places, he figured the shitty room is his best option. He gets admitted and enters.
All of a sudden the purgatory foreman looks at his watch and says to everyone in the room:
"Coffee Break is over now go back to standing on your heads"
He starts looking around and trying to pick which room in purgatory to go into. He opens and closes a lot of doors seeing things he really doesn't like.
He comes to a room where there are a bunch of people standing around smoking and drinking coffee, but with a pool of waste and debris and worse up around their shins.
After checking out other places, he figured the shitty room is his best option. He gets admitted and enters.
All of a sudden the purgatory foreman looks at his watch and says to everyone in the room:
"Coffee Break is over now go back to standing on your heads"
Silly Donovan
Well-known member
After a night of a lot is sex, a man and his girlfriend are laying in bed when the man notices a picture of another man next to his girlfriend’s night table.
He asks the girl, is that your ex husband? She reply’s no it’s not. He asks the girl, is that your old boyfriend? She again replies, nope but I like it when you get jealous which brings on another 4 hours of sex.
After the sex he again asks, well who is it then, to which she replies “well if you must know, that was me before my operation”.
He asks the girl, is that your ex husband? She reply’s no it’s not. He asks the girl, is that your old boyfriend? She again replies, nope but I like it when you get jealous which brings on another 4 hours of sex.
After the sex he again asks, well who is it then, to which she replies “well if you must know, that was me before my operation”.
stromcloud
Active member
An old man knocks on the door of a whorehouse. The madam opens it and says “Sam! What are you doing here?” He replies “Well, you’re still in business aren’t you?" She says “Sam, please, you’re 80 years old. You’re all through.” He says “I’m all through? How much do I owe you?”
Lady is on the money funny, I’ve been telling my wife for the 43 years we’ve known each other and the 37 years we’ve been married I ain’t changing and she’s still bitching about it.
Thanks for sharing--truth is sometimes the best comedy. I have seen a one man Broadway show years ago "Defending The Caveman" that is very funny. Sounds like something you would enjoy if it appears again as it periodically does regionally.
I will keep on the lookout!! Thanks…,
A Texas lawman pulls over a lawyer from New York for not coming to a complete stop at a Stop Sign. He asks for his license and registration and the lawyer asks “Why”? The officer says “because you didn’t come to a complete stop, you just slowed down”.
“But nothing was coming so what’s the difference?” asks the lawyer.
“If you want me to explain, exit the vehicle please.”
The lawyer complies and the officer takes out his nightstick and proceeds to start beating the man. After a couple of minutes, he asks the lawyer, “Now, would you like me to stop or just slow down?”
“But nothing was coming so what’s the difference?” asks the lawyer.
“If you want me to explain, exit the vehicle please.”
The lawyer complies and the officer takes out his nightstick and proceeds to start beating the man. After a couple of minutes, he asks the lawyer, “Now, would you like me to stop or just slow down?”
Love husband / wife jokes, mostly because they piss my wife off…anyway,
The wife in a rocky marriage passes away and as the pallbearers carry out the coffin, they bump into a wall and light moaning is heard from inside; turns out the wife is still alive and lives 10 more years.
As the pallbearers start to take her out for a 2nd time, the husband stops them and instructs, “for God sakes, whatever you do, please watch out for that wall”!
The wife in a rocky marriage passes away and as the pallbearers carry out the coffin, they bump into a wall and light moaning is heard from inside; turns out the wife is still alive and lives 10 more years.
As the pallbearers start to take her out for a 2nd time, the husband stops them and instructs, “for God sakes, whatever you do, please watch out for that wall”!
Q.: Why does a dog lick his balls?
A.: Because he can.
Q.: Didn't I tell you to Go #uck yourself!
A.: If I could, I'd never leave my room!
Q.: What did one Shepherd say to the other Shepherd?
A.: Let's get the flock outta here.
A.: Because he can.
Q.: Didn't I tell you to Go #uck yourself!
A.: If I could, I'd never leave my room!
Q.: What did one Shepherd say to the other Shepherd?
A.: Let's get the flock outta here.
To the people offended by the “Christ” jokes in another thread, maybe MOVE ON, pope joke coming. Now personally, I sincerely believe Jesus has a sense of humor so those jokes don’t offend me but everyone is entitled to their viewpoint. Anyway, those posts reminded me of this one…………
The pope gets on a plane and sits next to a devout follower and proceeds to take out a crossword puzzle. After about 10 minutes, he turns to the man and asks if he knows a 4 letter word for “Woman” ending in “unt”. The man’s mind immediately goes to the gutter, he blushes and turns away, not answering. A couple of minutes later he turns back to the pope and tells him “aunt”.
The pope looks up, replies, “Gosh, of course”, rummages in his pocket and then asks the man, “You wouldn’t happen to have an eraser on you, would you”?
The pope gets on a plane and sits next to a devout follower and proceeds to take out a crossword puzzle. After about 10 minutes, he turns to the man and asks if he knows a 4 letter word for “Woman” ending in “unt”. The man’s mind immediately goes to the gutter, he blushes and turns away, not answering. A couple of minutes later he turns back to the pope and tells him “aunt”.
The pope looks up, replies, “Gosh, of course”, rummages in his pocket and then asks the man, “You wouldn’t happen to have an eraser on you, would you”?
Spocky Ramone
Well-known member
Reminded me of:
You’re in a locked room with a lawyer, a lion, and a cobra. You have a gun with 2 bullets, what do you do?
Shoot the lawyer… twice.
What are the three stages of SEX?
Stage 1.: "Everywhere SEX". Meaning you guys are young and all over each other, you want to do it, Everywhere, in the kitchen, in the shower, on the couch, everywhere SEX
Stage 2.: "Bedroom SEX", you're older, more mature, less athletic, so you just have SEX in the Bedroom.
Stage 3.: [Last Stage]: "Hallway SEX", you pass her in the Hallway and say 'Fuck You darling', and she passes you in the Hallway and says, 'Fuck you Darling'.
Stage 1.: "Everywhere SEX". Meaning you guys are young and all over each other, you want to do it, Everywhere, in the kitchen, in the shower, on the couch, everywhere SEX
Stage 2.: "Bedroom SEX", you're older, more mature, less athletic, so you just have SEX in the Bedroom.
Stage 3.: [Last Stage]: "Hallway SEX", you pass her in the Hallway and say 'Fuck You darling', and she passes you in the Hallway and says, 'Fuck you Darling'.
So this teacher, says to the class, can anyone name the most important person in the world ever, if you get it right you get a five dollar bill.
Young Brian Boyle raises his hand and says to the Teacher, "St. Patrick", and the teacher says no, it's not St. Patrick.
Young Mike Williams raises his hand and says, "Abraham Lincoln", and the teacher, no, it's not Abraham Lincoln.
Young David Goldberg says to the teacher, "Jesus Christ", and the teacher says, yes, correct answer David.
Next, the teacher says, I am a bit surprised you being Jewish and all and saying it was Jesus, David replies, Well, you know, I was thinking Moses, but I said Jesus, you know, Business is Business, as he pocketed the money.
As told by the IG sensation Accidental Talmudist and his 'Greatest Jewish Jokes of All Time'
Young Brian Boyle raises his hand and says to the Teacher, "St. Patrick", and the teacher says no, it's not St. Patrick.
Young Mike Williams raises his hand and says, "Abraham Lincoln", and the teacher, no, it's not Abraham Lincoln.
Young David Goldberg says to the teacher, "Jesus Christ", and the teacher says, yes, correct answer David.
Next, the teacher says, I am a bit surprised you being Jewish and all and saying it was Jesus, David replies, Well, you know, I was thinking Moses, but I said Jesus, you know, Business is Business, as he pocketed the money.
As told by the IG sensation Accidental Talmudist and his 'Greatest Jewish Jokes of All Time'
Silly Donovan
Well-known member
Three portal players arrive in Coach Pitino’s office. After each has been worked out and are about to be presented a scholarship Father Shanley steps in and says to Coach P. “Since this is a Catholic School each must answer a basic question involving religion” Coach P agrees and as the three players stand there,
Fr. S asks the first one…..”
Who was the first man” to which the first player answers….”uhhh Adam” to which Coach Pitino replies, “great, what uniform number do you want?”
Fr. S then asks the second player….
“Who was the first woman?” To which he answers “uhhhh….. Eve?” To which coach Pitino responds
“Great….. which locker cubical do you want?”
Before Fr. S asks the third player a question, he hears the third player making fun of the process and mumbling to himself “damn these questions are a joke any fool knows that $hit”
So Fr S decides to give him a harder question and asks….” What was the first thing that Eve said to Adam?” The player’s face drops and he looks at Fr. Shanley and says “Damn, that’s a hard one”
To which coach Pitino responds “What size sneakers do you take?”
Fr. S asks the first one…..”
Who was the first man” to which the first player answers….”uhhh Adam” to which Coach Pitino replies, “great, what uniform number do you want?”
Fr. S then asks the second player….
“Who was the first woman?” To which he answers “uhhhh….. Eve?” To which coach Pitino responds
“Great….. which locker cubical do you want?”
Before Fr. S asks the third player a question, he hears the third player making fun of the process and mumbling to himself “damn these questions are a joke any fool knows that $hit”
So Fr S decides to give him a harder question and asks….” What was the first thing that Eve said to Adam?” The player’s face drops and he looks at Fr. Shanley and says “Damn, that’s a hard one”
To which coach Pitino responds “What size sneakers do you take?”
