Jokes to ease the tension
- Thread starter Eric
- Start date
And Bobby Bacala didn’t find Uncle Junior’s way of telling that joke funny enough.
Treasure Coast Johnny
Well-known member
Older gent is bored in retirement and wants to get back in the workforce. He gets an interview with a local company.
HR interviewer - What would you say is your greatest weakness?
Retiree - I’d have to say my brutal honesty.
HR interviewer - I don’t think honesty is a weakness.
Retiree - I don’t give a f*ck what you think.
HR interviewer - What would you say is your greatest weakness?
Retiree - I’d have to say my brutal honesty.
HR interviewer - I don’t think honesty is a weakness.
Retiree - I don’t give a f*ck what you think.
This is great. I'm a recruiter so I am stealing this
Spocky Ramone
Well-known member
Popsicle stick joke (warning: may cause physical pain)
He had no body to go with!
How did you do that with the hiding the joke line?
Spocky Ramone
Well-known member
In your post, click on the second image of the three vertical dots, then click on the “eye with the slash” (aka second to last icon)
You will see this dialog box:
Enter the text you want visible in the post. Click Continue. HTML will be generated, you put what you want hidden between the SPOILER tags:
And you get:
You will see this dialog box:
Enter the text you want visible in the post. Click Continue. HTML will be generated, you put what you want hidden between the SPOILER tags:
And you get:
The text between the SPOILER tags is hidden
Spocky Ramone
Well-known member
Instructions above!
Thanks!
Spocky Ramone
Well-known member
YW/Any time!
Spocky Ramone
Well-known member
Popsicle stick joke (warning: may cause intelligence quotient to plummet)
Because it saw the milk shake!
Popsicle stick joke--get the name of the joke company; these are "dad jokes"
That’s disturbing yet funny.
passitback
Well-known member
Dreamt I was a muffler last night...
I woke up exhausted...
I woke up exhausted...
Spocky Ramone
Well-known member
Popsicle stick joke (warning: best by date on box is 03/2026, if you view this joke after that date then it will be nowhere near as hilarious as it was on posting date)
An Alley-gator!
Spocky Ramone
Well-known member
A blonde was walking along the river trying to find a way to the other side.
Half a mile down the river she sees another blonde on the other side.
She yells "hey, hey you! How do I get to the other side of the river"
The second blonde replies "you are on the other side dummy"
Half a mile down the river she sees another blonde on the other side.
She yells "hey, hey you! How do I get to the other side of the river"
The second blonde replies "you are on the other side dummy"
A minister and a politician arrived at the Pearly Gates at the same time. After St. Peter gave them a rundown on life in heaven, he took them inside to show them where they would live.
He stopped first at a small rustic one room cabin with a bed, a desk, a cooking area, and toilet area for the clergyman.
Moving on, he next stopped in front of an opulent palace, complete with all the amenities expected in such a luxurious dwelling.
The politician was taken aback and asked St. Peter why the minister was provided such a humble abode and he such a magnificent one.
St. Peter explained, “You have to understand, we have thousands upon thousands upon thousands of ministers here in heaven, but you are the very first politician to make it.”
He stopped first at a small rustic one room cabin with a bed, a desk, a cooking area, and toilet area for the clergyman.
Moving on, he next stopped in front of an opulent palace, complete with all the amenities expected in such a luxurious dwelling.
The politician was taken aback and asked St. Peter why the minister was provided such a humble abode and he such a magnificent one.
St. Peter explained, “You have to understand, we have thousands upon thousands upon thousands of ministers here in heaven, but you are the very first politician to make it.”
A husband and wife leave a party early after getting into an argument and are driving home in deafening silence.
Suddenly, they see lights behind them and get pulled over. The officer approaches the car and tells the husband he pulled him over because he clocked him going 80. The driver says, “That’s impossible, I have the cruise control set at 60.”
The wife chimes in, “No, that’s what’s impossible, this car doesn’t have cruise control.”
As the cop goes back to his car to write the ticket, the man explodes, “Dammit woman, can’t you ever keep your mouth shut?”
As the cop starts walking back, the wife times it perfectly and exclaims just as he reaches the car, “Honey, just consider yourself lucky you shut off the radar detection device before he could hear it.”
The cop stuck his head in the window, sees the device and decides another ticket is in order. As he walks back a second time, the husband goes ballistic, screaming at his wife, “Will you EVER learn to keep that F’ING mouth of yours shut, will you EVER just for once just keep it F’ING closed, JUST ONE FREAKING TIME!!!”
The cop comes back and having heard all of that, asks the wife, “Does your husband always talk to you like that?”
“Never officer, only when he’s had too much to drink.”
Suddenly, they see lights behind them and get pulled over. The officer approaches the car and tells the husband he pulled him over because he clocked him going 80. The driver says, “That’s impossible, I have the cruise control set at 60.”
The wife chimes in, “No, that’s what’s impossible, this car doesn’t have cruise control.”
As the cop goes back to his car to write the ticket, the man explodes, “Dammit woman, can’t you ever keep your mouth shut?”
As the cop starts walking back, the wife times it perfectly and exclaims just as he reaches the car, “Honey, just consider yourself lucky you shut off the radar detection device before he could hear it.”
The cop stuck his head in the window, sees the device and decides another ticket is in order. As he walks back a second time, the husband goes ballistic, screaming at his wife, “Will you EVER learn to keep that F’ING mouth of yours shut, will you EVER just for once just keep it F’ING closed, JUST ONE FREAKING TIME!!!”
The cop comes back and having heard all of that, asks the wife, “Does your husband always talk to you like that?”
“Never officer, only when he’s had too much to drink.”
A wife comes home ans sees a note on the table from her husband -
My dearest wife,
I love you with all my heart but as you are 54 years old, I don’t feel you can meet my wants and needs as a man anymore so for the next several hours I will be at the Comfort Inn with my 19 year old secretary.
He comes home several hours later expecting his wife to either stick a shotgun in his face or be at the table crying. To his surprise, instead he sees a note from her -
My darling husband,
Thank you for reminding me I am 54 years old and no longer meet your “wants and needs”. But let me remind you that you are also 54. So, for tonight, I will be with one of my students, who also coincidentally happens to be 19. And you being a successful businessman and good at math, it probably is a waste of my breath to point out 19 goes into 54 a helluva lot more times than 54 goes into 19.
My dearest wife,
I love you with all my heart but as you are 54 years old, I don’t feel you can meet my wants and needs as a man anymore so for the next several hours I will be at the Comfort Inn with my 19 year old secretary.
He comes home several hours later expecting his wife to either stick a shotgun in his face or be at the table crying. To his surprise, instead he sees a note from her -
My darling husband,
Thank you for reminding me I am 54 years old and no longer meet your “wants and needs”. But let me remind you that you are also 54. So, for tonight, I will be with one of my students, who also coincidentally happens to be 19. And you being a successful businessman and good at math, it probably is a waste of my breath to point out 19 goes into 54 a helluva lot more times than 54 goes into 19.