Spocky Ramone
Well-known member
A Nickelback concert where tickets are 50 cents!
Jokes to ease the tension
- Thread starter Eric
- Start date
Spocky Ramone
Well-known member
NY baseball
Treasure Coast Johnny
Well-known member
My wife just came home and gave me a big hug. She said her therapist told her she needed to embrace her mistakes.
No doubt both teams are jokes right now but instead of easing the tension they are increasing the tension.
Spocky Ramone
Well-known member
They planet!
A cousin to this joke:If I go to jail my wife will get me out. She never let's me finish a sentence
My wife and I had words, I just didn’t get to use any of mine!
A doctor posts a sign in front of his office:
“If I cure what ails you, $50, If a can’t I’ll pay you $500.”
A lawyer hears about and figures easy money so he visits the doctor and says “Doc, I’ve lost my sense of taste, can you cure me?”
The doctor turns to his nurse and asks her to get what is in the medicine cabinet, drawer 10.
She hands the liquid to the lawyer, he drinks it and immediately spits it out and yells, “that’s gasoline!”
The doctor replies “taste cured, $50 please.
The lawyer stomps out, but returns the next day and tells the doctor, “I’ve lost memory.
The doctor again asks the nurse to get what is in drawer 10 and the lawyer reacts by saying, “no way that’s the same thing you gave me yesterday.”
The doctor tells him matter of factly, “memory cured, that’ll be $50!”
The lawyer leaves livid but determined to get the best of the doctor. He returns two days later and tells the doctor he is blind. The doctor admits he has no cure and says, “I guess I owe you $500.”
He hands the man 5 ones. The lawyer screams at the doctor, “you freaking cheater, these are singles.” The doctor snatches the bills back and replies, “blindness cured, you owe me $50.”
“If I cure what ails you, $50, If a can’t I’ll pay you $500.”
A lawyer hears about and figures easy money so he visits the doctor and says “Doc, I’ve lost my sense of taste, can you cure me?”
The doctor turns to his nurse and asks her to get what is in the medicine cabinet, drawer 10.
She hands the liquid to the lawyer, he drinks it and immediately spits it out and yells, “that’s gasoline!”
The doctor replies “taste cured, $50 please.
The lawyer stomps out, but returns the next day and tells the doctor, “I’ve lost memory.
The doctor again asks the nurse to get what is in drawer 10 and the lawyer reacts by saying, “no way that’s the same thing you gave me yesterday.”
The doctor tells him matter of factly, “memory cured, that’ll be $50!”
The lawyer leaves livid but determined to get the best of the doctor. He returns two days later and tells the doctor he is blind. The doctor admits he has no cure and says, “I guess I owe you $500.”
He hands the man 5 ones. The lawyer screams at the doctor, “you freaking cheater, these are singles.” The doctor snatches the bills back and replies, “blindness cured, you owe me $50.”
Since someone “liked” one of my jokes to bring the thread to my attention I will share this:
Man is talking to his wife and asks her why they always name hurricanes after women?
She answers, “That’s easy, because we are powerful and unpredictable.”
“No, because you are wet and wild when you arrive, but then you take the house, the car and all the belongings when you leave.”
Man is talking to his wife and asks her why they always name hurricanes after women?
She answers, “That’s easy, because we are powerful and unpredictable.”
“No, because you are wet and wild when you arrive, but then you take the house, the car and all the belongings when you leave.”
A cowboy gets on a plane and strikes up a conversation with an arrogant man sitting man next to him. The conversation turns to religion and the man haughtily announces he is an atheist and asks the cowboy if he could possibly explain to him the existence of heaven, hell and God.
The cowboy days “Sure” but first let me ask you a question, “Deer, cows, and horses all eat grass right?”
The man looks exasperated and replies condescendingly, “Yes, but what does that have to do with anything?”
“Well, what happens next?”
Very sarcastically, the man replies as if talking to a child, “Gee, I don’t know, please enlighten me, what happens next?”
The cowboy answers, “Kind of what I suspected, even though they all eat grass, the deer poops pellets, the cow flat patties, and the horse huge clumps. So why would I try to explain heaven, hell and God to a man that doesn’t know $hit?”
The cowboy days “Sure” but first let me ask you a question, “Deer, cows, and horses all eat grass right?”
The man looks exasperated and replies condescendingly, “Yes, but what does that have to do with anything?”
“Well, what happens next?”
Very sarcastically, the man replies as if talking to a child, “Gee, I don’t know, please enlighten me, what happens next?”
The cowboy answers, “Kind of what I suspected, even though they all eat grass, the deer poops pellets, the cow flat patties, and the horse huge clumps. So why would I try to explain heaven, hell and God to a man that doesn’t know $hit?”
What do you get when you cross a brain tumor with a German sausage?
A: the wurst headache.
My neurosurgeon recently told me I had a brain tumor.
I told him: "It's all in my head".
Saw this meme:
A: the wurst headache.
My neurosurgeon recently told me I had a brain tumor.
I told him: "It's all in my head".
Saw this meme:
Not really a joke, but funny anyway.
David Thompson, NC State all American. When an opposing coach was asked if he had any weaknesses answered
Yes, he takes to long to come down.
Jeremy Lin, ex NY Knicks player. When playing for Harvard and going to the foul line to shoot, opposing fans chanted
Won ton soup, won ton soup.
Leon Wood, Ex Sixers player. Teammates called him Leon Woo, no d.
David Thompson, NC State all American. When an opposing coach was asked if he had any weaknesses answered
Yes, he takes to long to come down.
Jeremy Lin, ex NY Knicks player. When playing for Harvard and going to the foul line to shoot, opposing fans chanted
Won ton soup, won ton soup.
Leon Wood, Ex Sixers player. Teammates called him Leon Woo, no d.
a good friend of mine had a brother who had brain cancer and went through all of the treatments. His brother either found a shirt or had a shirt made that said "I've had brain surgery, What's your excuse?"
Exactly, well stated.......